I think I’ve come to a stage in my life where its hit me
that life is so bloody short. I mean
it’s a fact everybody knows. We all say it from time to time, but do we
actually sit back and think shit! Actually yes! It is so short! It’s scary!
It may be the fact I’ve hit my 50’s, I’m lucky really in
that, although I had my hysterectomy last year and for a while felt pretty
decrepit because it kick started arthritis , I’ve now got it under control with
appropriate medication so generally I’m fit and well. But I do have the harsh
realisation when I look in a mirror or see photographs of myself that I’m
cracking on.
I also lost a dear friend recently to cancer. They say It’s losing a battle when people die
of cancer but I don’t think it’s a battle because its never a very fair fight.
It certainly wasn’t in her case she didn’t stand a chance to fight it. I only knew her for a short time, but we
became very fast firm friends and her death shook me. I’m sat typing this with
a tingling nose and blurry eyes trying not to cry. And at times I’m not ashamed to admit I’ve
stood and sobbed. But hey life goes on so they say (I’m doing a lot of so they
say aren’t I?). Yep life goes on and she’s
bloody missed!
I left my position in forensics within the NHS in December
2018 because I felt knocked about by my hysterectomy and wasn’t really enjoying
mental health nursing and didn’t really feel fit enough to cope with the
physical aspect of the environment, I was working in. I wanted to care for people who were
physically ill, I'm not undermining mental illness at all, in fact I struggle with certain aspects myself, but I needed a change I was so unsettled. So, I went to work at
Douglas Macmillan Hospice, palliative care, to say it was an eye opener is an
understatement. I’ve learnt loads and
loved every minute, but I’ve found myself questioning what I’m doing in life. And
faced with the stark realisation of death every day has given me a new
perspective.
I think these things combined, plus the stress I have going
on in the background (another story) in my life has made me sit back and
readdress where I’m going.
So, I quit my job.
Just like that! Well in reality, it wasn’t quite like that it was over
many sleepless nights and conversations with friends and family deliberating
what I should do. And actually, the advice I got off most people was not to
quit, I think they thought I was quite mad lol.
My dear husband just said to me Nett do what makes you happy, as long as
you don’t get us in a financial mess then its ok. So, I did it.
I’ve never really liked working for other people I prefer to be my own
boss. I’m trained as a Foot Health Practitioner and ran my own business but due
to circumstances (another story) I kind of let it fall by the wayside and went
full time. Now I’m building it back up and,
in the meantime, I pick up shifts at the Hospice and at the Hospital. I stayed
on the bank staff at both, so I bounce between the two. It’s a great balance of general and mental
health nursing and I’m happy. I can pick and choose my hours and days I work, when I'm feeling nackered from physical and personal care I can switch to the hospital where I come back mentally exhausted lol. No stresses and feeling disheartened by the rota. And best of all we can go
away in our Motorhome. We moved to a new
house in April something I’ve been wanting to do for a long long long long
time. We downsized because again we kind
of readdressed our life’s and thought why are we living in a 5 bedroomed
detached house paying bills but actually we have no life? This wasn’t the only
reason I was desperately unhappy there and wanted to move but eventually Steve
came round to the idea and he actually agrees with me now. We’ve moved to a 3
bed semi in town, which is also strange for me I’ve never lived in a town. There’s
a shop round the corner ! what’s that all about? Such a strange concept for me
and a little bit too handy for the odd bottle of wine when I fancy one. The
kids can walk to school! my daughters 17 she’s never walked to school. My Sons
12 and he hasn’t either. The first
morning his friend called from him and I watched him walking off in his school
blazer was a very strange feeling but its all good. No more ferrying them up
and down that bloody Bramshall Road. I’ve
been back to our old house and she’s got it lovely. All posh furniture and lovely bits and bobs, she’s
actually got my taste. They’ve took all the doors out downstairs and its open
plan and it looks huge! Did I have any regrets? Because if I’m honest it looked
way better than when we had it, we never had any money to do anything with it. No,
I didn’t, not one regret, I love it here.
All 4 of us have squeezed in nicely.
The worst part I think was getting rid of all our stuff. The loft alone had 17 years of crap jammed in
it! It took me 3 days to empty it and even longer to sort it all and box up
stuff to keep and get rid of the rest.
The stuff we had to get rid of was crazy! I did have a bit of regret
that I couldn’t do a car boot because I think I’d of made a fortune. But there
just wasn’t the time and it was the wrong time of year. So, the charity shops
did quite well out of us in March. My
lovely piano had to go ☹ I was gutted I will admit. I painted it white and
yes it wasn’t a brilliant paint job it was out of tune and I hardly played
it. Steve used to tease me and say it
was a fantastic photo shelf because it had all my wedding photos on it in white
frames. And that, if I’m honest, was its only use. But oh, how I loved that
piano. I found someone who wanted it and the night before we moved because we
had hired a van for our move, Steve and his son had to heave it out of the
house and delivery it to a lovely lady and her daughter it weighed a ton and
the house it went to had a very steep drive he’s still telling that story now
to anyone who will listen 😊 so
its gone to a good home and that was my first lesson in learning to think its
only stuff, let it go. I keep thinking
right, I’m valuable, my family are valuable they are all that matter. Just let
it go…. I have another story that I may share at some point and will probably
touch on from time to time, my middle son doesn’t live with us he’s 16. I find it very difficult. Which is probably
another reason why I’m starting to re-evaluate my life and cherish what’s left
and who’s in it. But for now, I’m not going to write about that again its
another story. I have lots of other
stories lol. My good friend Corrinne has
always told me I should write a book. Maybe this is the start.
So, getting back to it we moved. I found out that we still
had way too much stuff! We hired a removal van and two men, we had two trailers,
three cars and two nights before moving day we looked at all the boxes and
thought shit! This is a lot of boxes so Steve got on the phone and hired
another van. Thank goodness we did! With
2 men Steve, Harry, Me, and Steve’s Mom Margaret packing and cleaning each room
as we went, we did it. At 10am they rang us and said they were ready! At which
point we were nowhere near, and I was stuck in the kitchen couldn’t get out
because our huge fridge wouldn’t go out through the doors Steve and Harry had
to take the doors off! But at 12.02 I was sailing down that Bramshall road on
my way to a new future with a car packed to the hilt and a 5ft wooden giraffe
wedged in the front of my car. We’ve had
to have quite a few more visits to the local tip and the charity shop since
because we clearly hadn’t got rid of enough but its ok its only stuff. And I
have staunchly held on to every ball of wool with a slight bit of grumpiness
off Steve now and again. Hey, I’m
learning new lessons but its wool after all! Wool is important right? I need
wool in my life.
So, getting back to it, because I feel I’m rambling. Life.
Its short. I’m changing. I now want to spend time with my family, as
much time as I can. I want as many trips as I can in my camper. I want to
crochet and crochet and crochet as much as I possibly can and hope that arthritis
doesn’t set into my hands. I want to
spend time walking my dogs that has always been an important part of my life,
so I want more of that. I now have a
garden. I’ve had a garden before, but my
first husband was quite anal about it, every blade of grass had to point in the
same direction and as I have no clue about gardening, I was never allowed to
touch it. My second husband was never
there it wasn’t a home, so I had no interest in the garden and allowed him to
slab it over, and occasionally I would throw myself into pots with roses in them
because I’ve always love roses. So now I have a garden and a husband who lets
me do what I want. (Yes 3 husbands! Trust me that was never in my plans but 3rd
time lucky and another story lol) He has
made noises about straightening the borders so its looks all neat and tidy
because it’s a bit of a cottage garden but I think the look on my face stopped
him right there. I do not want neat. Been there once with every plant standing
to attention and the borders done with a spirit level. He’s also said I need to
stop and think about where I put things because I’ve gone a bit mad and ripped
things out, which I have no clue what they are, and I’ve planted things I now
realise are not in the right place but again one of my looks has shut him up, I
will learn from my mistakes and nothing will be neat or planned its just going
to grow and look pretty and he will love it or else (good job he's easy going and very tolerant of me) 😊
I’m going to stop there, I think. I started this blog forever ago and I’ve
tentatively had a go at blogging now and again but its never sounded right and I’ve
always wanted to pour my heart out but it ended up sounding depressing
and maudlin, I don't think I was in the right place in my head at the time. I'm kind of ready now. So, I’ve spent far too
much time thinking about it. I’ve had a blog with hardly anything in it. From
now on I’m just going to type and not overthink it, and try not to be depressing lol.
Hope you’ve enjoyed reading and I haven’t bored you too
much. xxxxxx
A selection of photos if your not asleep by now x
We went to a wedding this weekend amazing time I danced all night literally, poor Steve had to stay sober and drag me off the dance floor at gone midnight because he had to be up for work for a 14 hour shift. I'm such a bad wife lol.
Good friends x memories x
Taught my Mom to crochet this year x
My Boys
Me and Mom being silly x
Roary Cat and the Spots
My lovely Roses
One of My favourite photos x
Minnie our new investment.
New beginnings
Why we called her Minnie ……. I was ordering stickers for my car to advertise my business and I had the idea that I would like to name our new motorhome. I rang Steve and ran it by him and of course he wasn't impressed lol. hes slightly more conservative than me. Anyways I ran a few names by him and then as it was late (he was on nights, I was in bed) I gave up. Next day at work I got a text. He had found a note in the camper with the documents it said .. " look after Minnie, we hope you enjoy her as much as we have " OMG how spooky! So Minnie it is :)
Just chucked this picture in because I can. I think its a cool look :)
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